So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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