So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
