the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
