I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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