I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
