I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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