i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
