im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
