sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
