question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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