I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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