we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
