ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
