she smelled like a LAN party
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize