mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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