the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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