I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize