Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My bed smells like the plague
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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