I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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