listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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