i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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