We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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