Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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