I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
