Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize