I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My life is pants optional.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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