so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
