I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My feet surprised me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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