You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
