You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
