You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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