On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yo dont text me then not text me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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