Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Can I color on your dick again?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
