I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
