Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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