I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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