I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
