Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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