apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
