We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
