Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
