You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
vagina is talking i cant
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
