Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
