I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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