the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
