I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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