Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
