My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
