just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
