My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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