so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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