We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
