I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
