my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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