just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
