i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
