He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I need moral support for this bender
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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