when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
