Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
