y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this boner is exhausting
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
