i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
