He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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