Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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