so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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