I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
