i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
