we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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