I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
