he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
