It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
