GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
