when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
