so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
