either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
