If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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