so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize