those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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