Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
