Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
