Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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