Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
