I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
