sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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