NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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