She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's the barista slut.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
