I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
