Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize