remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
