We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
