and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
