She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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