How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
