He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
