I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
