hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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