I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
