Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
