i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
