so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
