i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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