So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
