I'm going to jail i love you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize