even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
