got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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