I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
