I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
