Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
