So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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