If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
